So lately I’ve been called to face some pretty big fears, as transformation changes me, all the parts of myself that aren’t in harmony come to the surface to be loved and released.
And it is, the beauty of healing never ceases to amaze me. Despite its beauty though, it is making me face the biggest teacher I have had, which is the vibration of fear itself.
So far everything I have seen and experienced I’ve lived through, so I realized that what I’m really afraid of is feeling of fear or terror. My past is as colorful as it is dark. Fear and terror are not strangers to me, growing up they were my constant companions....... There are places in my emotional body that have felt worse than anything I could imagine, to have your whole body vibrating in total and complete terror, unable to speak or move, all while in excruciating pain......and it’s a fear of feeling those feelings again is what I’m truly afraid of.
I would fear being in lack, fear of being miserable, broke, alone, misunderstood, or hurt. Pretty normal worries in the world we live in, however I needed to forgive myself for projectlong past experiences into my future, I needed to send love to the darkest parts of my being, the parks who are scared, angry or hurt.
The more aware of this I become, the more I see how fear is a choice. I can choose to let my thoughts run wild, I can choose ride the fear and let it lead my energy and the worst part, my actions. Making choices out of fear is a guarantee of bringing in more situations that will scare you. And so it continues until you decide you’ve had enough of fear.
Then its just a matter Of being in your heart, feeling your heart and listening to your heart. Give yourself permission to be wherever you are emotionallY. This year has been full of changes for everyone, give yourself some time to process things, be loving in your words to yourself. If you wouldn’t say them to someone you love, then don’t say them to yourself :)
Im saying this to myself the most, reminding myself how many steps I’ve taken to get here. That the best is at my doorstep, and that this huge change, this being awake, is allowing my highest self flow and illuminate everything ✨
Today I woke up and went into my default of needing to “fix” the issues stressing me the most currently. But no matter how much I got done, the feeling was getting bigger. So I stopped, this is a sign I’ve started to believe the illusion again. The illusion that I’m not completely loved and cared for, the illusion that I’m not good en or that I fucked up, the illusion of other people’s judgements of me. All old skins I’ve shed before, I was trying them in again, and it’s not the same. Now once I catch myself, I take off the old filters, remember what they taught me and then make choices from a place of clarity and gratitude. I am thankful I learned everything I have, they were tough lessons and I’m super proud of myself for not going completely mental 😝
Where am I right now? I AM practicing being as fluid and clear as water. And it’s positively lovely 😍✨
I had absolutely no main theme with this blog, I just wanted to share and be transparen. Im trusting that if you are reading this, part of you needed to hear this just as much as I did, love and infinite blessings beloveds,