Think of someone you consider bold, or acts boldly. It could be someone you admire, or maybe someone who really steps on your toes.
To me I think of bold in its divine state, “to be fully seen“.
Living boldly has nothing to do with appeal. In fact if we speak with others who live boldly in their authenticity, they will probably tell you a list of reasons why living boldly and being visible is extremely vulnerable. We see this mirrored in Hollywood, the hyper focus on flaws and perfection. Having the perfect life, perfect job, family, body, income, the list goes on. This all came from somewhere, and if we look at what we can only see on our screens, then we are missing a LOT of insight and information under the surface. So for people who practice transparency, living in authenticity and love boldly. It feels incredibly vulnerable when we allow all these aspects of ourselves that we are still refining and healing to be seen and not worry about how it is being perceived by others.
For myself, after committing to my higher purpose, I was called to accept myself and my path. I have had a lot of crazy waters to navigate inside myself and in the reality around me. The highs were high and the lows were low, I realized how afraid I was of being seen as weak, careless or clueless.
All fears inside myself....
But as I was meditating on this, I pictured myself sitting across from me. And I had a conversation with myself, I listened with a full heart, without judgement, and practiced “seeing” myself, my emotions and fears more clearly. I realized where fear more than anything else blocks me, and how fear more than anything else can motivate me to deny my emotions.
And when I was done with my conversation with myself, I sent love and healing to both parts of me and found an even deeper appreciation for my life, and my unique spirit. I have been finding my balance, one moment at a time. “I accept this moment with grace” has probably never been said more times by another human!
And the most beautiful gift from this all, was realizing my value.
My personal value, and this is something that I have been dealing with all my life. And has been my biggest block in my career and spiritual path. No matter how far I would go, or how much spiritual insight or healing I did, facilitated, or witnessed in others and myself, no matter how many mind blowing experiences of the divine, I still couldn’t let go of that underlying belief.
The belief that I wasn’t of equal value to others. This affected everything. How I received for a start! My relationships and romantic partners were taking cues from me and how I treated myself. My bosses at work took cues and didn’t pay me enough but asked for more and more. I would get so angry, “why doesn’t anyone love or value me?!” I silently screamed to myself (especially in my mid to late 20’s)
But through the years, I knowingly and unknowingly started peeling off layers of this belief. Layer after layer after layer. Healing trauma after trauma, after trauma. And coming back full circle into the moment, I can’t say I have healed everything, I can’t say I am in perfect harmony with the world.
But I CAN say that I release this self judgement every day, I CAN say I Love and honor who I AM. I CAN say my life is a million times better and continues to grow and expand in beautiful ways. I CAN say that I’m going to keep going, flaws and all. I CAN say that no matter how much I want to hide from my problems I’m still going to keep loving and Keep giving myself approval. And I CAN be Bold, and embrace everything that comes with it in grace.
Taking responsibility for my life has been the most exhilarating and terrifying ride to inner freedom. I share this to help me, to face my fears and hopefully it resonates and let’s others know that they aren’t alone on this path. We are all in this together, and I will share my gifts, my failures and my triumphs, because the more we share, the more we realize our connection to each other. And unity is my goal, unity in myself and unity in the universe ✨
So even though this blog isn’t as fun as some of the others, I wanted to allow the truth of my moment , right now, to illuminate some shadows today, and hopefully inspired you to love boldly and live boldly 💗 ✨🙏🏻✨