Fear is a powerful emotion, I almost wonder if it is more powerful than pain.
In movies when we see our hero do something brave, even when faced with certain pain, they face the oncoming pain and save their world.
When we are in fear, it takes hold and the more we struggle with it, the more it tightens around us. Like a invisible snake wrapping itself around our minds and hearts.
This past week I have been in pursuit of facing my fear, the fear of pain. The truth, my truth, is that the last few years have been very hard on my heart. With every hit, it survived and even grew from it’s healing. And yet this past week I found that my heart hasn’t been as open as it could be, as big as it could be, and I attribute this to fear, not pain. It is not my pain that keeps it partially mute, it is the fear that holds me captive, fear of pain. So when I look at the sky when I normally feel a surge of overwhelming love, when I look at a friend with deep appreciation and love, it is not as full of an experience as it could be and this pains me. Because I have always had an unrelenting desire to be love, to embody it, and share it with every aspect of my existence. But I found fear has been limiting me in this desire, swinging from total bliss and love overwhelming in meditation, to timidly looking at the world and fearing the next hit. It is hard to admit, because these are two very different realities I have been living in…..
This weekend I was able to sit with both more peacefully, and observe that even my fear held love. And I felt love pour into this perspective, filling me with acceptance.
It isn’t until I remember myself that I transcend this fear, and find the pure Love sitting right behind it, waiting for me. When I remember there is only ever oneness, and wholeness, that I am not just me, but you as well. And fear melts and dissolves, and then there is only love.
Thank you for reminding me, thank you for knowing that when I say “I love you” it holds the Love of everything in existence, because we are one, and everything is Love <3
My heart opens, and I see you in it, I feel me and I feel you, and you are beautiful and perfect.
~ In Lak'ech Ala K'in
~ Dolinka Dirokshi